I have cried more in the last few days than I have in the longest time. Saturday night I had the scariest hours of my life, as I watched helplessly not knowing whether someone I care so much about was going to live. He did, and I am so thankful for that. But it scared me. It made me realize how precious life is, and that the most important thing to do is to live, and to love. I am afraid because this is/was so hard, but I know that one day it will be worse. And I can't do anything about it. I am helpless, as I was that night. In this big chaotic, beautiful process of life I pride myself on helping others. But when it really matters, I'll always be left standing there, watching and knowing that I can't do anything to make any difference in the end. Understanding this inevitability scares the shit out of me.

I think that Jay really DOES have something he's not telling us about government ties...and also, my brother sucks.