You only think you see me...

Kelly, April, now me

Fri, 30 Sep 2005 11:52:34 GMT

1) Your Star Name: (name of first pet + street you grew up on)

Mittens Butterfield

2) Your Movie Star Name: (grandmother's/father's first name and favourite snack)

Ilyene Twix

3) Your Fashion Designer Name: (first word you see on your left and favorite restaurant)

Faith Montage

4) Your Socialite Name: (silliest childhood nickname and town where you partied)

Squirrell Waterloo

5) Your Fly Guy/Girl Name: (first initial and first three letters of your last name)

E Sim

6) Your Detective Name: (favourite animal and high school)

Cat Hudson

7) Your Barfly Name: (last snack food you ate and your favourite drink)

Hot Tamale Hypnotic

8) Your Soap Opera Name: (middle name and city where born)

Vawn Iowa City

9) Your Rock Star Name: (favourite candy and favourite musicans last name)

Twix Difranco

10) Your Opposite Sex Name: (name of opposite sex friend and cell phone company you use)

Chuck IWireless

11) Your Star Wars Name: (first 3 letters of your last name + last 3 letters of mother's maiden name /+/ first 3 letters of your pet's name + first 3 letters of the town you live in)

Simins Bonwat

12) Porn Star Name: (middle name and street you grew up on)

Vawn Butterfield

cute

Sat, 24 Sep 2005 00:29:41 GMT

Insomnia

Tue, 20 Sep 2005 08:06:15 GMT

Lately it's been HORRIBLE. But I have a plan. Someone buy me a white noise machine! In the meantime, I have a smaller room other than my bedroom that currently just has random shit in it. I am converting this to the sleeping room. The only thing in it will be a bed and a stand on which to have a white noise machine and/or radio for music. That's it. And I'm putting up the darkest thing I can find in the window so it's pitch black. Blah. Anyone got any other ideas? I've tried most...but am willing to try again/try anything.

lol...

Fri, 09 Sep 2005 11:16:42 GMT

Your MONKEY DAEMON represents a nature that is
admired, detail-oriented, and full of
curiosity. Some people might call you
self-absorbed. You like to plan ahead, and hone
your various talents to perfection.

What Animal Would Your Daemon Settle As?
brought to you by Quizilla

somewhat maybe

Quiz/Survey thing...amusing.

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 05:57:38 GMT

I only used the people I physically know.

Click here.
Take the quiz.
Post your results.
1) If devosmock took over the world, who would suffer? assholes
2) Is thealcoholfairy popular? I think so
3) What animal should benponder be combined with? hm....I'm going with a bear
4) Would you ever date naiveandpretty? lol...that's a no.
5) Which of your friends should ferg go out with? none? he's found himself a good enough girl
6) What would ryguyspk think of snowwhitesmouse? well he likes her well enough
7) What rank would glasspinata have in a giant robot army? she'd be in charge of recruiting
8) Does devosmock know mooonbeam? indeed
9) What do you agree with devosmock about? most things
10) Is thealcoholfairy a high school student? no
11) glasspinata's eye color? ouch...um...blue? I suck.
12) If snowwhitesmouse took over the world, who would be happy? the underdogs
13) Would mooonbeam go out with naiveandpretty? highly doubt it
14) One quality you find attractive in devosmock? genetics
15) Are naiveandpretty and ryguyspk going out? not at all
16) What color should lordyuric dye their hair? orange, bright orange
17) What song/movie would you recommend to naiveandpretty? love and sex (movie, good luck finding it though)
18) What would mooonbeam give jayj79 for his/her birthday? hmm....Dr Pepper?
19) Does ryguyspk have a dog? don't think so, last I knew, just a cat
20) Do you have glasspinata's screenname? yes, and so do you
21) How long have you known thealcoholfairy? hmm...4 years?
22) What is benponder's favorite movie? Monty Python...? I dunno
23) Do you think ryguyspk is hot? duh, of course
24) What do you disagree with snowwhitesmouse about? reactions
25) What is mooonbeam's favorite color? ouch. changes too much....pinks/reds?
26) Is ryguyspk a college student? no
27) Would devosmock and ryguyspk look good together? lol, depends on what you mean I suppose...sure
28) Is benponder a nerd? yes
29) Is lordyuric your best friend? no
30) What is lordyuric's favorite food? food? I dunno.
31) What video game does lordyuric remind you of? Grand Theft Auto
32) Does thealcoholfairy do drugs? probably
33) How many monkeys could snowwhitesmouse fight at once and win against? 4, I'm going with 4.
34) Would you set up mooonbeam and glasspinata? probably not
35) Which president would snowwhitesmouse be likely to idolize? none. Lincoln maybe.
36) Is glasspinata related to you? not that I know of.
37) Are jayj79 and naiveandpretty going steady? um, no.
38) What word best describes jayj79? Jay? ...odd?
39) How would benponder conquer the world? confuse the masses with his random knowledge
40) Where did you first meet naiveandpretty? dated my brother
41) Is benponder an emo? not really
42) Is snowwhitesmouse introverted or extroverted? heh. mostly extroverted, really depends though.
43) Where was thealcoholfairy born? Michigan?
44) Where was ferg born? no idea...Iowa somewhere I think
45) What planet should naiveandpretty be from? Saturn
46) How long would glasspinata dating devosmock last? funny. then, a few years...now, probably longer given the growth.
47) What is jayj79's shoe size? 11?
48) Is devosmock dead sexy? of course.
49) If thealcoholfairy were hanging off a cliff, what would ryguyspk do? call 911, try to help
50) Is jayj79 in a relationship? nope.

bored...but this is sorta funny

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 06:21:00 GMT

bandwagon

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 07:48:31 GMT

Your LJ Friends Roles in Your Quest for World Domination

LiveJournal Username

Age?

Sex?

What's your motive?

Where will you carry out your plans from?

Weapon of choice?

When?

Your right hand man

ryguyspk

Top Assassin

ryguyspk

Just stands there and laughs evilly

shaden

Your inside source for the government

jayj79

Mad scientist that you recruited to design weapons

sinfulscreens

Backs out of the deal

devosmock

How much does this end up costing?

$7,215,243

% of the world taken over successfully:

This Fun Quiz created by 0l1v14 at BlogQuiz.Net

Free ringtones and wallpapers! Click here!

I think that Jay really DOES have something he's not telling us about government ties...and also, my brother sucks.

Reflections

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 07:33:48 GMT

I have cried more in the last few days than I have in the longest time. Saturday night I had the scariest hours of my life, as I watched helplessly not knowing whether someone I care so much about was going to live. He did, and I am so thankful for that. But it scared me. It made me realize how precious life is, and that the most important thing to do is to live, and to love. I am afraid because this is/was so hard, but I know that one day it will be worse. And I can't do anything about it. I am helpless, as I was that night. In this big chaotic, beautiful process of life I pride myself on helping others. But when it really matters, I'll always be left standing there, watching and knowing that I can't do anything to make any difference in the end. Understanding this inevitability scares the shit out of me.

downward facing dog...

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 08:46:04 GMT

So I did some yoga with a friend. I've been wanting to try it for a while but just never had the means/motivation. Anyways the instructional CD we used...it was crazy. It was kinda hard, which I expected as I am not very flexible. But I really liked it. Seems like the sort of thing I could actually stick to (imagine that). So, I'm going to have to look into doing it more often.

I have a headache and all I really want to do is fall asleep. But I can't. I tried. It just will not happen at this time.

Going to Chicago in a few days, I'm very excited about this. I love Chicago. I only wish I had more memory on my camera. And this time I'm not going to get pick-pocketed.

Peace out homies.

Decisions...

Thu, 28 Jul 2005 11:51:16 GMT

I hate that most of the time what you want to do and what you know you should do, what is best for you, are two different things. Lately I have been *trying* to be stronger and do what I know is best instead of what I want...but it's not always so easy. Actually, it's rarely easy. But I'm banking on the fact that it will make things better in the long run.

Everything happens for a reason, all we can do is try to figure out what that reason is.

can't sleep, clown'll eat me...

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 10:18:29 GMT

Here's one of those times that working 3rd shift sucks. I'm tired as hell, but everytime I try to go to sleep someone's knocking on the door asking for something.

P.S. I really want to go to Chicago.

P.P.S. Loan me $300.

on loneliness

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 07:31:36 GMT

Sometimes I feel empty and lonely for no real reason. I guess it's just because...sometimes I have a hard time being alone, literally alone. Is this because I seek validation from others? Maybe. Maybe I just crave contact. Either way, I seem to feel this emptiness the most when my day has been filled with happiness. I guess I just don't want it to end. But today, I don't know...it wasn't particularly eventful or lacking...I just feel it strongly. Like I just lost something, but I didn't.

etc.

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 10:03:27 GMT

You are so confusing, and I am so stupid. "Your actions speak so loudly I cannot hear what you are saying." If only there was some consistency. If only one of us could be brave.

I Am The Woman Who Called

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 12:34:40 GMT

This is long, but I loved it so much. It was posted in the women's shelter I work at. It's a compilation written in honor of women's advocates.

I Am The Woman Who Called

I am the woman who called last week.
I am the woman who’s been calling for years.
I am the woman who’s on the phone right now.
Yo fui la que llame.
I am the woman who called.

I am the woman who cried herself to sleep last night.
I am the woman who felt really stupid.
I am the mother who said no man would ever do that to my baby and get away with it.
Soy la mujer que le tiene miedo a la migra.
I am the woman who thought I had no worth.

I am the stripper using lots of makeup, heroin, and booze.
I am the woman who said “Maybe I’m the batterer.”
I am the woman who thought there was no way out.
Soy la mujer que teme por sus hijos en su pais natal.
I am the father who buried his daughter and grandchildren.

I am the woman who is just so tired.
I am the woman who never breathed a word to anyone.
I am the woman who prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.
Soy la mujer que se atrevio a decir, “No mas!”
I am the woman who will never leave.

I am the brother who said I’d rather go to jail
than watch my sister and the kids get hurt one more time.
I am the woman who was too afraid to come out as a lesbian.
I am the woman who lied for him cause me and the kids needed a home and food.
Soy la mujer que llamo escondida debajo de mi escritorio porque me trato de matar.
I am the woman who fought back.

I am the woman who pretended to run him over just so he could see what it felt like
to be that afraid.
I am the friend who hid her in my house.
I am the woman who gave you a hard time at first only to heap blessings on you
by the end of the call.
Soy la mujer que murio y espero entierro por nueve meses.
I am the woman who spoke no English, had no papers and very little hope.

I am the woman who found out my new boyfriend raped my teenage daughter.
I am the woman who said I’d taken pills and just wanted someone
to be with me til the end.
I am the woman who said I had made it and wants to give back just a little of what I got.
Soy la mujer que ahora se rie a carcajadas porque en ese entonces no me podia reir.
I am the husband who almost killed my wife and said I’d watched my dad
kill my mom when I was a boy.

I am the woman who gave as good as she got.
I am the woman who never backed down.
I am the woman who got my GED, my Masters, my Ph.D. and who now runs a Shelter.
Soy la mujer que le ayuda otras.
I am the woman who is free.

Book meme

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 09:38:34 GMT

Book meme

The total number of books I have owned:

Um wow, a few hundred I'd say.

Last book I bought:

"Bitch" by Elizabeth Wurtzel

Last book I read:

"Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"

Five (or approximately five) books that mean a lot to me:

"Story of B" by Daniel Quinn

"Prozac Nation" by Elizabeth Wurtzel

"The Mind's I" compilation - various authors

"A People's History of the United States" by Howard Zinn

"A Night Without Armor" by Jewel

Time to tie the knot...

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 05:56:20 GMT

...and by that I don't mean get married. My tenacity is my biggest enemy. When I want something I dive in face first, bull-headed, and keep getting deeper and deeper despite the fact that I might be setting myself up to fall. When I think something is worthwhile there's nothing anyone can say or do to change my mind. And when I think something is worthwhile I think it's worth fighting for. Tooth and nail. To the death? Feels that way at times. So I fight, because it's what I do. I love this about myself. I hate this about myself. Why do I always have to feel everything about everything? Grrr. Sometime I just want to feel one way, and that's it. Period.

If good things come to those who wait...isn't that just the leftovers from the people who got there first?

I can't get no.....sat-is-fac-tion

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 06:14:42 GMT

I believe that perhaps dissatisfaction is human nature. The more I like around me...everyone finds something wrong, something to be unhappy about. And everyone focuses so much attention on this that they forget about all the wonderful things in their life. There can be one bad thing and 398439 good things, and we will automatically focus our attention on that one bad thing. I hate this, I hate that I do this, and it is my goal to change this. (I wonder how many times I have said this!?) Ah well, c'est la vie.

O-bah-dee O-bah-dah

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 05:35:28 GMT

It's been an interesting weekend. Had fun with fireworks Sat. night and on the actual 4th. It was good times. Had to deal with some realities this weekend that I don't really want to face, but I guess that's all a part of life. But I have decided that as long as I'm still alive there's hope for anything to happen.

#$&#(&@)(#&!(*@!

Sat, 25 Jun 2005 09:28:34 GMT

My luck = as soon as I find a job I like...it's in jeopardy. Argh.

The break of day

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 10:59:06 GMT

Well, I've come to enjoy one benefit of working 3rd shift...because I'm in an office, there's obviously a window...which mean I get to see the sun rise. Aside from this last week it's been a really long time since I've been up early enough to see that. I forgot how much I enjoy it.

I swear to god if Mark calls me and wakes me up again after I've only slept for three hours...who am I kidding, I won't do anything about it. Not like I sleep much anyways. I have a hard time trying to sleep for any signifigant amount of time during the day, especially in a house with no air conditioning. Bah humbug.

Ok I think I am feeling extra emotional lately...earlier I cried watching Fresh Prince, and now I'm crying watching Queer Eye. But, I love that I cry at stupid shit. I'm awesome.

Can we say "issues"?

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 09:28:14 GMT

Apparently (as if it is a secret) I have unresolved issues with my dad, as evidenced by this mediocre poem I just wrote out of nowhere.

Your official title is Father
but you feel more like an acquaintance
who lived in my house
and fought with my mother
You smiled when I got good grades
Gave me money for reading books
but you never asked about my classes
or even knew the titles that I read
You told me to look out for my brother
because you wanted me to learn responsibility
I think it was just easier
than trying to understand your children
When I was good you gave me praise
When I was bad you gave me discipline
But you never bothered to get to know
the person that I was
or who I would become
You give me money
but no advice
You tell people how proud you are of me
but seldom remember my birthday
I don't doubt that you love me
You just lack the capability
to have personal relationships
and for that I am sorry
Your official title is Father
but you were more like an acquaintance
who lived in the house
and fought with my mother

hooray for cliches

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 07:48:24 GMT

If good things really do come to those that wait...then I should have a vast bounty headed my way one of these days...

Don't misunderstand me, it's not that I'm not grateful. I have a lot, I have a great family, great friends, the cutest kitties, finally a job that I respect, a fair amount of intelligence and good looks to boot. I'm doing alright. (getting good grades, the future's so bright...I gotta wear shades)
I'm just lonely, that's all.

Maybe I just like to bitch. Don't we all?

Narcoleptics sleep around...

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 07:11:45 GMT

Well I'm gonna be working 3rd shift all week so you might see a vast increase in entries from me...

I have recently realized (cue dramatic musical introduction) that too much of my life is based on fear (does anyone feel like they're reading Brother's journal again?). I am afraid of letting people in, afraid of not letting them in, afraid of taking a chance, afraid not to, afraid of being myself, afraid of letting people see me....it goes on and on. Maybe everyone really feels this way...maybe I should do something about it (maybe).

It will be interesting to see what sleep deprivation will do to my mind. It's a strange feeling to be in a dark building with 12 other people and know that you're the only one awake. With the light on, sitting here eating my pita going about my business while they're all being eaten by beadbugs.

I thought I saw myself...turns out it was just someone who looked like me.

For some people, the glass is half empty. For others, the glass is half
full. For me, well, I just get the backwash at the bottom.

Well, this mindless dribble of an entry needs to reach a conclusion. Ericka needs to reach a conclusion. (FYI April hates it when people talk about themselves in third person) I know what I want, now I just need to figure out how to get it. (It = multiple things) Where the hell is that magic wand?!

Ok, 2 1/2 hours left. Time to go get some more work done. I can feel the delirium setting in.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.

I see your true colors...

Wed, 01 Jun 2005 04:03:54 GMT

...shining through...

Sometimes it takes an event or situation that is out of the ordinary to see the reality of someone (yourself included). It is in these moments of naked truth that we see the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Still here...

Thu, 26 May 2005 02:42:48 GMT

I am still here, alive and mostly well. I am on a neverending quest for motivation. I have been doing well though... I have been thinking about life a lot, the bigger picture, whether we have a soul, love, what the meaning of it all is. (nothing new really). I am happy to have been thinking about things again, to REALLY think. I feel stimulated again, haven't felt that way in some time.

Hooray for good times and great friends.